Shark Blog: Must READ Entries Archives

March 14, 2005

Join My Class Action Suit

Why haven't I been blogging in a week or so? Because I am hard at work with my lawyers building a people vs baseball steroid users. You are saying I know we have all been had by juiced baseball players, doing the homerun bash during wiffle ball games and cheering on the Sosa-McGuire home run battle. Well I am taking a different angle on this and it is going to be my way to the financial freedom. You can compare this scenario to the fall of enron. In Enron they cooked the books similar to the way these baseball players cooked their muscles. As a result they got stuck with class action suits from pension funds, investors, etc. What's interesting in that scenario after they paid off all the lawyers there was probably no money left for you and me. Here is my case CRAZY 80's BASEBALL CARD COLLECTORS VS BASEBALL ROID HEADS!!- I am suing for the lost value of my investment in my Barry Bonds, Mark Mcguire and Jose Canseco rookie. These things are plummeting fast - you could get about 50 cents on ebay for this crap!! Kids who grew up in the 80's are getting screwed. I bet my dad's 1986 paycheck on the fact that barry bonds was going to be the homerun king!! my 86 topps traded set was supposed to buy my first vette!! I was a baseball card freak and I dragged my dad down with me. We were going to shows, buying pack after pack of cards, buying every brand that hit the market.. fleer, dunross, skybox, upper deck, topps. Well I shouldn't have to bear this loss and what's different about this compared to Enron is that bonds, mcguire and canseco have money - lots of it! I'm gonna get me some of it! I'm suing for the amount i spent on baseball cards as compared to if I just had my dad buy me microsoft stock. I probably spent 10k of his money. If we had put that into microsoft when it went public in 86, instead of buying tons of packs of cards to get a canseco rookie, we would have 2.5 million dollars (7 million during the internet boom) I am suing for 2.5 million. Can you imagine how the guy who bought mcguire's record homerun feels? Wish me luck on this and sign up in the comments if you want to join my fight. Lawyers are standing by to take your calls. I'm going to be taking it to baseball parks across america!

Posted by Patrick at 05:44 PM | Comments (1)

February 27, 2005

My New York City Stadium Plan

After the huge success of "the gates" I have submitted my proposal to the city to resolve the west side stadium debacle. I have ended the bitter feud between cablevision and bloomberg. Also, my plan will allow for the west side rail yard to be converted into lots of high rise buildings for rich people. If rich people are happy, everybody is happy! My plan calls for moving the stadium to the great lawn of central park. We aren't allowed to walk or protest on the great lawn, so lets put the J-E-T-S..Jets.Jets.Jets there. I went to a Dave Matthews concert on the great lawn and I hurt my back because i had to sit on a blanket. Boy I could have used a nice stadium seat. Another time i went to the great lawn to listen to great tenors. Well, we ran out of cheese and wine at our picnic.. and i was like. i could use the beer guy right now selling $12 beers! This also solves the olympic 2012 issue. Don't put the stadium in queens and make me take the 7 train! anything but that. In order to get approval from the central park conservationist people, I will be offering shuttle service to a great park upstate, Fahnestock. I mean do we really need the whole central park? I feel that the benefits such as bringing high paying vendor jobs, binge drinking and tailgaiting far outweigh any damage that will be done to the park. I'm waiting for bloomberg's approval on this - but it's obvious to me. I will even paint the stadium safron for those who love the gates. stay tuned on how my proposal is going. Here is my rendition.

great lawn stadium.jpg

Posted by Patrick at 05:03 PM | Comments (0)

January 13, 2005

Where has the trapper keeper gone?

Today i have been very nostalgic about back in the day - growing up in the 80's and 90's. I'm Not digging too deep int the 80's pop culture, you can get that on vh1. I guess what brought me back to this was seeing my little cousin at 13 celebrating her first cell phone and a recent viewing of Napoleon Dynamite, a somewhat funny movie set in the era of moon boots. I can see how you want your kid to have a cell phone, but the only rule is you can't use it in class. I'm sure cell phone companies will soon offer free nights weekends and in between periods and bonus minutes at recess. What happened to not having a quarter and calling from a pay phone collect and instead of taking the charges saying " mom pick me up" as your name. As I embrace this new blog world, I thought i'd kick it old school today with a few "in my day" rants.

trapper keeper.JPG Ahh..The trapper keeper. You know you can't buy these anywhere anymore? I tried to find it at mead. they go for 20 bucks on ebay. But i did find a elementry school kids' new trapper keeper invention.

- Notice how no one tells jokes anymore? the art is lost opting for silly email forwards, videos and pictures. I always like a good joke.

- Whistling has been on the decline since the 50's but it is at an all time low.

- The great age of the sitcom is dead - reality tv has taken over and the next media is a vlog (video blog) where you can have everyone watch you every minute of the day.

- stewarts, a local convenience store in upstate ny, doesn't offer milk in those old school jugs anymore. Not that i bought them ever, but i liked when they were there.

- The age of the mix tape is dead. Remember spending hours making those tape mixes perfect and giving them a profound name like "summer mix 92". How is a guy going to impress his new lady? with an ipod songlist - double lame

- What happened to the the sony yellow walkman and how come the ipod doesn't come in this explosive active color.

- What happened to intelligent comedies of the brat pack and with chevy chase - old school is good but is no fletch, slapshot or caddyshack. There is no comparison at all.

- what happened to the if you'd like to make a call please hang up and try again lady - there is really no cell phone version of her

Well I can sit here and complain about it or just embrace it - there's a lot of good things that are new but we should always remember the past. I think i'll listen to the new 99 luft balloons remix w/ jay z

Posted by Patrick at 05:26 PM | Comments (1)

December 30, 2004

The Sharky Awards 2004

Now is the time of year that all the shows and magazines compile their superfluous lists. 2004 is winding down and I have decided to institute the annual Sharky Awards for excellence and/or stupidity. The research that has gone into these awards is unmatched. The following are the Sharky Awards for 2004.

best super in nyc
Winner: Jose My super is the best super and is friendly, funny and a lifelong resident of HK. He says "you got a problem, you call Jose right away"

Best deli guy in nyc
Winner: My deli guy at NYC #1 Deli. He serves black coffee with 7 sugars to drug addicts outside the methadone clinic all day long with a smile! keep up the good work.

best short movie
Winner: Monster in a wheelchair. Download it and laugh. It's from Brian Huskey, an improv guru and on VH1's best week ever

best party of the year
Winner: Brad Kennedy's 30th bday Party Nothing like a party in the back room of an irish bar, with no heat in february. Adding to the joy is the fact that brad hate's suprise parties and when Mike Ryan threw the big 30 pinata in the fire to keep us warm.

best places for grub in 04
Winner: The Place This is our favorite restaurant. The owner is awesome and gives 10% of proceeds to charity.
Runner's up: York Grill, Pampa, Nook, Picolo Angelo, Grill 23 Boston

best place for comedy in NYC
Winner: Comedy Cellar and Upright Citizens Brigade. Go check out Mother at UCB on Saturday night at 10pm - it is the best improv anywhere.

best time in boston
winner: The day i moved. Just kidding bostonians I miss that small town. Best times there were had at the Belvedere in the North End.

biggest upset of the year
Everyone would think I would say yanks losing to the Sox, but the upset of the year is me going 12-1 in my fantasy football league and then losing in the first round of the playoffs to a 12 year old!

the most under appreciated job
Winner: Social Worker Eventhough Oprah likes to glorify teachers, social workers are way under appreciated. They are way underpaid and have to handle everything from complex family cases to begging landlords not to evict their clients.

best thing that happened to me in 04 Moving back to nyc and getting to spend more time with jDawg.

the shame on you SHARKY

Winners:
mailboxes etc. These bums tried to charge 50 bucks to send a package from the West Village to Harlem for a charity x-mas gift. You should be ashamed of yourself!

Pataki I am a republican but can't wait for Pataki to go! He has no passion and could have stepped in to help the MTA, especially when he appoints the 200K salaried board members. Did you know that 1/3 of all people who take mass transit in this country each day do so on the NYC MTA? And that for the past 10 years is has gotten almost no federal money for capital improvements.

parkingtickets.com This site claims to be able to get you out of nyc parking tickets. It will take you 3 months, lots of time and you still probably won't get out of the ticket.

AOL These bums scammed my pops for over 200 bucks in 04 by automatically switching his membership to a mult-member membership and billing him on 2 different dates of the month! There is a class action suit on this. If you have aol you are an internet rookie.

best form of flattery
Winner: Lindsay Field for using my name as a character in her novel. Runner Up: The guy who asked if I was an NFL player while dining at Mama Mexico in Upper west side.

doghouse sharky
Winner: Giving my only Red Sox-Yanks ticket to Rich and not Jeannine. Jeannine stayed at the bar while we enjoyed the game and hung out with the hot dog vendors. Not recommended.

best and worst nyc web sites
The Best: Newyorkish - when updated this is a great waste of time.
runner up : Gothamist - A great daily site on nyc news and events.
Worst: Citysearch - If you ever go to a place based on a citysearch rating or comment you are a moran. I have and it is a complete scam.

best family blog
Winner: PeteTschudy.com The best damm blogger i know and my cousin in law. His photography is top notch!

best wine i had this year (I only drink Red)
winner: Ca del Solo Big House Red This is a screw cap, but is cheap and excellent.
Runner up: Castle Rock and Edgewood Cab

lamest best of list
Winner: Timeout new york hamburger list fox x-naying the corner bistro as top ten. There is a lot of hype in nyc, but this place lives up to it. They deep fry their bacon!

number 1 sharkblog fan
Winner - Ed Winstanley. He is a true fan of sharkblog and is spreading the word. Thanks ED!

The turn over a new leaf award
winner - the kids on the subway selling candy finally admitting that they aren't selling them for their basketball team and just trying to get some money in their pocket

Cutest baby of my friends
this may cause some controversy, but you gotta admit Bruce Oremus is the cutest kid you've seen in a long time.

Posted by Patrick at 12:01 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

December 11, 2004

When do you say when on the $2 umbrella?

The sharkblog.com laboratory is at it again testing those umbrella's that amazingly show up on the streets when it starts to rain in Manhattan. I despise umbrellas, especially since I grew up never using one, running from the car to a building. If I was the NYC mayor, I would ban them. If I had a donut for each time i've been hit by some idiot not paying attention with their umbrella, i'd be really really fat. When I do buy umbrella's I only get the street ones and it is only when there is an actual monsoon. I'm not going to be that guy with the golf umbrella or the burberry umbrella, PLEASE spare me! If it is a slight down pour, I just buy the post for 25 cents and use that. A little tip; when you do buy those umbrellas you never take the initial price. $4 is highway robbery and 50 cents is what they paid for it, so i only pay 2.
So How long does the $2 umbrella last?
The $2 umbrella lasts exactly 2 months before it becomes a deadly weapon. Although, I'm still using this one in the picture to the left, I am about to retire it. If you look close there are 2 very long umbrella daggers, sharper than a swiss army. I am really suprised you can't be ticketed for these shotty umbrella's - you could literally poke someone's eye out. Oh well so long umbrella - I got my 2 dollars worth, thanks for slicing my finger when I tried to collapse you and thanks for kinda keeping me dry!

Posted by Patrick at 05:45 PM | Comments (0)

December 09, 2004

New Jersey Doesn't Suck

I've been out of pocket on business this week. And since some people say I'm always negative on my blog, I want to offer some positive words after my business trip this week - New Jersey is not that bad. People rant about hating jersey , while crazy NJ born have a sense of pride lamer than Red Sox fans. I really have to say that I am a big NJ supporter. I spent time in Princeton this week and I must say everyone was pleasant. I also enjoyed going from 80 miles an hour to 10 in order to take a right to make a lefthand u-turn! Jersey is a story in itself, the beaches, the guidos, the hair, bon jovi, the Governor, and of course BRUCE. My mom swears that the jersey shore has the best beaches on earth, and she even has been to beaches in florida and california to compare! I welcome trips to the NJ, even if I have to go through the swamps to get to the good spots. I hope that is positive enough for you.

Posted by Patrick at 11:23 PM | Comments (2)

November 30, 2004

Tip of the Day - Look Smart it's 90% of the battle

I was very fortunate for christmas a few years ago to receive a Dartmouth t-shirt from my Cousin Kati, who got her doctor degree from there. It's been my favorite t-shirt for the past 2 years. I don't leave home without it. I always thought i wore the shirt so much because of the comfort and the quality, but I really think it was the respect i got. First, people walked by and yelled at me "go green" I was like who are these wackos. When I finally realized i started playing along and felt the pride of big green. It continued to steamroll. I'm in Starbucks and people want to strike up some talk on politics. People ask me for directions, even in spanish! So my tip of the day is to go to IVYSport.com and pick up an ivy league t-shirt. You'll thank me for the comfort and get the academic respect that community college did not bring to you! I think i'll try BROWN next.

Posted by Patrick at 11:26 PM | Comments (5)

November 20, 2004

Inflation hits the Irishman!

I like everyone have been noticing that prices are on the rise for a lot of goods, while others are simply having you pay the same for less. Snickers has been cutting down the size of the candy bar and say they did it because we are all too fat. Yogurt, Potato chips, Snapple all followed suit, but recently they've gone too far. It has hit one of my favorite past times..Sharing a pint of Guinness with friends! Certain Irish bars in NYC have begun to roll out smaller pint glasses, blaming it on the beer distributors for rising keg prices. Do they understand the ramifications here? I recently challenged a bar tender at THE GAF in hell's kitchen and he told me he'd rather do this than charge $6 a beer and then asked me for $5.75. Instead of losing sleep over this, i borrowed one of these glasses to get the real truth. I brought it home to the sharkblog laboratory and concluded that when you buy a Guiness in these lame inflation hiding Irish bars you only get 9 Ounces of the nectar of Dublin! To put this in perspective an actual real Guinness Pint glass to the brim is 18 ounces! (subtract a little for the guiness head and you get a pint) See for yourself below. Well what do you do? I say tell your bartender with the irish brogue that you won't stand for it and then buy a coors light. Or go to the best irish bars that don't participate in this nonsense, such as the Thaddy Cons, puck fair and dublin6.

Posted by Patrick at 11:55 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

November 18, 2004

Take the $10 a day NYC challenge!!!

Zach Braff when he did the talk show rounds for Garden State, told everyone during his starving actor days in NYC he would try to eat out meals on a $10 a day budget. He stated his daily diet included a lot of pizza and falafel. Me being cheap and up for a challenge, decided to give it a try. Rachel Ray thinks she is all bad and does NYC for $40 dollars a day! Anyone can do that. I dare you to try this in your town. For those of you in upstate new york, the game is called $3 per day. So here goes:

The Rules:
- $10 for 3 meals in NYC
- You can't cook any of them
- Only one meal can be pizza or hot dogs
- Tap Water is cool by me
- No street vendors (Not that I don't love the dirty water dog)
- You won't be tipping on this day
- None of the places you can go can be rated by zagat!

Challenge: Complete the $10 challenge in Hell's Kitchen

Breakfast: Studio Coffee shop - 9th ave between 44th and 45th.
You can get 2 eggs any style home fries and bacon for $3.80. If you avoid the bacon at $2.30 you can leave the best waitress ever, virginia, a tip! Everyone there wiill welcome you with either a hug or call you love.

Lunch: NYC DELI - 10th ave corner of 46th
My boys around the corner have the best sandwich deal. A full boarshead (the package says so anyway)sub any meat and a can of soda for $3.95. They even have TAB and sodas not in english. Sometimes they actually even get your order right!

Dinner: 99 cents pizza shop - 9th ave at 41st
I only have $2.25 left. I could settle for a slice from any place in hell's kitchen or I could venture to the area surrounding port authority. ooh tough call. I love choice and I had 2! I could either get 2 hearty slices or 2 hot dogs and a soda for $2.25.

HK Conquered! I'll be coming to your neighborhood soon. Next challenge: Greenwich Village where my girl lives. Stay tuned.

Posted by Patrick at 01:29 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

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